Why Be Curious
Lacking curiosity could be the thing that’s setting you back. This concept is often top of mind for me in my feedback to others, but only lately have I uncovered the words to articulate it.
Maybe you can relate to this…
You’re in a conversation with someone. Usually someone you’ve just met. A first date, networking, a new colleague, or a friend of a friend. You find yourself engaged, asking the other person questions, inquiring about their life and listening to their responses, and then…
nothing
silence
The conversation loses all oxygen and eventually fizzles because the other party involved didn’t reciprocate the curiosity. No question about you. Not even the slightest mirroring of what you had already asked them. Just a sigh and awkward diverting of eye contact to signal the lull in conversation.
This, as a social interaction, has been the bane of my existence for as long as I can remember. I’m convinced that my hyper awareness of it has acted as a drawing force and now it happens to me all the time. All to say, I’m doing the self-work necessary to take ownership and stop whining over other people’s apparent disinterest. One of the key ways is realizing how I take on others’ energy and being proactive about setting boundaries in relationships, as I habitually take on the role of listener in most of them.
Once I was able to step back from how these interactions were making me feel and look at it from a level-headed perspective, I noticed something. People operating with a lack of curiosity are losing out! When you walk into conversations and situations interested to learn more, you typically DO. But when you’re complacent and uninterested, you get nothing. Perhaps less than nothing. Here’s whyyyyy!
Being curious opens you to new opportunity.
Coming across a common interest, a mutual contact, or similar history cannot happen in a meaningful way between two people unless they’re both equally playing listener and sharer. What are you missing out on if you don’t put in the time to explore who it is you’re speaking with? Especially if you’re going after something — like a job, new apartment, or relationship — every single person you meet is worth inquiring about. They could be your new connection to the next big thing in your life.
Being curious keeps you learning.
What’s unique about the person you’re interacting with? What’s something they have a lot of knowledge on, that you know nothing about? Even on the smallest scale, interacting with someone that isn’t exactly your cup of tea will teach you something about what your cup of tea truly is! Talk to the people in your life about their interests, past, careers, etc. They can teach you something new.
Being curious builds connection.
Frankly, most of the people I talk to who let the convo flop and don’t show the mildest inkling of curiosity, leave me never wanting to talk to them again. It comes across as ignorant, self absorbed, and unempathetic. And remember, I’m talking about first or second impressions here — I’m not naive to the fact that obviously between loved ones, there will be an imbalance of giving and getting sometimes. Be that shoulder for someone to lean on — their dependancy on you is important in those scenarios. But if you’re hoping to create new connections, get curious. It shows someone that you’re interested and that you value them. It’s also this unseen sharing of energy within the interaction. When I walk out of an hour chat with someone who doesn’t share a curious mind, I feel depleted. It’s a lot of work to carry the energy of a conversation alone.
Being curious makes you a better communicator.
Talking to someone who doesn’t practice curiosity is dry. It gets to the point where you feel like you’re interviewing them. A reciprocal back and forth keeps the ball rolling and everyone can exhale in the conversation.
Being curious gives you more to discuss.
If you start to get intentionally curious in all areas of your life, you’ll have more to share and more to ask. Think about it… Curious people are the ones who question things, who seek out new information, who want to see a perspective other than their own, and who try new things because they want to know what it’s like. Energize your life and experiences with curiosity. Engage in conversation and interactions in a more mindful way because you’ll get more out of it in the end.
Curiosity links to COURAGE because to be curious can make you feel vulnerable and it requires you to speak. I know it isn’t easy sometimes, but oh is it ever worth it. Curiosity is the link to expansion and embracing the courage it takes to do it is the most beautiful foundation you can stand on. Remember, all it really is that humans want and need is to be seen and belong. Give someone that by being curious about them and watch how it unfolds.
Thanks for reading!
B
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About Brittany
Brittany is the driving force behind The Courage Collective, a personal coaching service and blog for millennials and young people alike. It’s courage for your quarter life. This initiative and company has been her heart work over the past year.
